Sunday, April 7, 2013

Banjo = My new puppy.

I am so happy yet so frustrated with this new addition to my family. This is my first time owning a dog on my own, and first time I've dealt with a puppy.

Despite the accidents around the house and the chewing, I think the part that frustrates me most is his whining in the crate. He needs to be crate-trained, since I work for several hours away from home. I'm at home this weekend attempting to train him, and I can hear his whines. My heart is breaking, because I want him to understand that I do love him, but I have to work and the crate is not a punishment. I am so fearful for Monday, my first day at work since having the puppy.

I'm also worried about his health. Banjo is a 10-week old rescue. He has some parasites causing his poop to be bloody, he has an upper respiratory infection, and he is scared and frightened, causing a loss of appetite.

Banjo.... I know it's hard to understand, but I do this out of love.

Saturday, February 23, 2013


What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong? Why are my "friends" not really my friends?

They make excuses to not hang out with me. Why do you keep me as a friend if you don't want to be with me?

This is not my first friend "breakup." And in every breakup, I'm the bad guy. Why? What am I doing wrong? I give and I try and I compromise. I would give anything to have a best friend, but alas it's not written in the stars for me. I will forever be a bitter and lonely soul. You win, Universe. This world is just not meant for me.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Three's a Crowd

I'm sitting across the table from a female friend. She's happily in a relationship, and I'm happy for her. Her boyfriend is sitting next to her. I'm deep in conversation with the female, when the boy decides to touch her hand. Her hand is holding a wine glass, and his pointer finger gently caresses the back of the girls hand. She ignores it and continues to talk to me. My eyes are drawn like static hair to a balloon to this small act of love. At first glance, you think "That's so cute...he really likes her." But ten minutes later, it's now awkward.

How do I respond to this? How am I supposed to react? This is like 11-year-old "love" where the child doesn't know how to love, and just touches the other person ( because that's what they do in the movies). This is also like your boyfriend trying to dry hump you in the night while you sleep. In a sense, my female friend's boyfriend is using his hand to dry hump her hand in front of me, and while the female is talking to me. Call me paranoid, but I feel like they're rubbing their relationship in my face. It's like the guy is saying "Oh yeah, I can touch her and dry hump her hand all I want!"; and the girl is saying "Just let him finish, and it will be over soon enough."

So here's the deal: I don't mind PDA, just not for super awkward, extended periods of time in front of me or while engaged in conversation with me.

PDA (it's now a verb) for a long time in front of me, and I'll take off my bra and bitch slap you with it!

Sunday, September 23, 2012


In this elusive theme park in Central Florida where I work (which I will not mention by name), there are dolphins. I bet you have no idea which park I am talking about! I work as a photog (that's the street name for us photographers), taking pictures without your permission or knowledge, and then try to sell you the pictures. It's an ingenious business plan.

When you enter Dolphin Cove, the area to feed and pet the dolphins, there are two separate and clearly marked areas.

There is the feed area, marked with an enter and exit sign. Only those paying to feed the dolphins are allowed to enter that area. Next to that area, is a non-feed area. Everyone and their distant relatives are allowed to be in the non-feed interaction area, stay as long as they want, and pet dolphins all they want.

Even though the area is clearly marked, I still get this question: "Where do I go to feed the dolphins?"

I also get this comment:  "I guess you can't get anywhere near the dolphins unless you pay to feed the dolphins, damn hippies."

Really people, really? Why you no read the signs?

A Master's Degree doesn't prepare you for all aspects of life

In August 2009, I started the long and exciting journey of obtaining my Master's degree. At this point I had already graduated from NYU with Honors and a BFA in Film and Television, and I had already spent six months goofing off in the city after my graduation. The job market was tough, especially for a fresh face trying to enter into the exclusive club called "Showbiz.

I was forcibly yanked back to my second home in Mississippi (where mom and dad live) with the ultimatum to find a job or do something productive. I found a job working in the lucrative theme park business in Central Florida, as well as a Master's program that could help me with the job search. I changed my major from Film and Television (otherwise known as the "This Won't Help You At All in the Job Market" degree), to Education.

In August of 2011, after grueling and exhausting thesis work, writing research papers, and my least favorite, reading, I received my Master's Degree in Early Childhood Development and Education! Huzzah!

The degree arrived in the mail, all dressed up in a nice packaging tube. I now had proof of my intelligence, hard work, and dedication. No longer can they make fun of me! No longer will my peers mock my failure. For I now have it, Excalibur, the Degree of Destiny.....

...If only I could figure out how to get the degree out of the tube......

I set fire to the rain...


Her songs are amazing, and she has six Grammy's to prove you otherwise. I like her music, but I feel that radio stations are playing her songs a bit too much. On the radio, 90% of the music played is Adele.....the same four songs from Adele.....really?

I was driving to work, and the "I set fire to the rain" song came on the radio. Just a simple first world problem.... let me switch stations. I switch radio stations and I begin to hear these infamous (as in "more than famous") lyrics:

"There's a fire, starting in my heart...reaching a fevered pitch and it's bringing me out the dark...."


My only options now:

1) Change radio stations, hoping for the best.

2) Put a CD in...except for the only CD in my car is Adele

3) Listen to nothing on the way to work.

4) Jump out of the moving vehicle....

I chose option 4...

Thursday, April 5, 2012


This is how dessert should be eaten:

And this is how I eat dessert: